I’m using buddypress 1.2.8 with wordpress 3.1 and I have no problems…
BuddyPress doesn’t do anything unusual with regards to database queries. After all, BuddyPress is a WordPress plugin. It does add extra load, though, as you’ve found out. I think you will need to see about scaling your MySQL resource.
I am having the same problem.
I installed latest WP and BP locally and am having no database crash so far. It leads me to believe @Paul Gibbs is correct.
You can try it yourself https://codex.wordpress.org/Installing_WordPress_Locally_on_Your_Mac_With_MAMP
I’m not having any problems with version 1.2.4.1.
I do have problems, too… just can’t find out the issue, I only know it happened after upgrading.. no logs, no nothing.
Closing topic. BuddyPress does not “make the database server crash.” Please make a new post with full details of your server/website, such as the URL, and any relevant web server or MySQL errors/warnings that you get. We can’t try to help when you don’t give us any information.