Hi @denis24,
it’s difficult to tell without seeing exactly what your dev really did. But from what you explain:
1) If he modified directly BP’s core file, he’s right. Core files are irretrievably deleted at each update and any change will be lost.
2) There is always a solution to make things differently. Problem now is the cost. You already paid for custom integration, now you will have to pay for building it out and reinteger it differently, so as your site and custom work can be updated.
About #1
– Hacking core files is never recommended and against WordPress best practices. BuddyPress developers follow the same rules.
– Technically, there is no valid reason to do that, especially if it concerned only a few buttons addition!
– it could simply be an argument for a rogue developer, in case of a conflict with a not tech savy client.
About #2
– updating for updating is a non sense. Not each update is usefull for your install. Same remark for security updates. This point, even if it is sensible, generally concern specific configuration.
If you are sure that you don’t use that configuration or mentionned plugin, why would you need to update ? But it is more convenient to tell clients to update, as it is faster to do that as to explain why and where and how to update.
– web technology is in endless evolution, it’s a fact. This doesn’t mean that your site should be indefinitly in progress too. You can choose to freeze it at a given point. It’s your decision at least, despite many pro & contras debates or trend pressure. One of them could be the site trafic. You won’t probably manage FB like a kindergarden site.
Finally, it’s your liberty and your decision.
Thanks for your reply and the links. I’ll have to find out more specifically what the developer did.