Re: Ethics, Two-Facedness, BuddyPress Forums + the BuddyPress.org Theme…
not sure I understand your post, but it sounds like somebody hitch-hiked you into Skype-calls of “how to work with Social-Networks & BuddyPress” ?
Get yourself a good programmer (search for a coder in the job-forum at this website) and I am sure you will find a reliable person who will set-up your very own Social-Networking-website using BuddyPress-plugin-software. For a standard-setup-install (including Group-Forums), this should not take any longer than 1 hour (cost of 1 man-hour).
BuddyPress and WordPress is the most ethical software you can get.
What you will get is not a website the same as buddypress.org, but even better a website very similar to what you can see at http://www.testbp.org and then you can customize it to your needs if you want.
I had to “burn” 2 programmers (they were only asking for money but basically not doing anything or doing things wrong and not giving any feedback) until I found the right person who is reliable and understands his job. Its all about test & fail to find a good and reliable coder, same as finding correct and reliable people in real life.